


between the sand and the sea

by goblinonmars (orphan_account)



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King, IT Muschietti (2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), F/M, Friends to Lovers, Lots of A+ Parenting, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Queerplatonic Relationships, Recreational Cigarette Chewing, Recreational Drug Use, THESE TAG OPTIONS ARE SO FUNNY, Teenage Losers Club (IT), jk, really im just projecting, well they just graduated
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2021-01-03 09:07:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21176888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/goblinonmars
Summary: During their last summer together, the Losers go on a road trip to Ocean City.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie struggles with his fears. His friends help a bit.

“She felt... how life, from being made up of little separate incidents which one lived one by one, became curled and whole like a wave which bore one up with it and threw one down with it, there, with a dash on the beach.”

― Virginia Woolf, To the Lighthouse

* * *

Eddie hated change.

It meant plucking him out of his own personal safety bubble and shoving him into the cold, uncaring world. A world of bullies that left post-it note slurs on his locker and teachers that turned a blind eye. A world where the only openly gay person in his school went missing after the town carnival. But at least he had friends. At least he wasn’t alone.  
  
“My aunt’s beach house had this giant rope swing at the front,” Bev was saying, leaning back on the tree stump as she took out a mandarin orange from her jacket pocket, “I pushed it so far back I almost fell into the water.”  
  
Eddie watched as she dug her nails into the skin and unwrapped it.  
  
“I thought I was gonna die.” she popped a slice into her mouth. “It was so fucking cool.”  
  
“As much as I would love to spend eleven hours on the road with you guys,” Stan said flatly, “There’s no way Eddie’s mom will let him leave Derry.”  
  
_Oh_. Their eyes were on him now. Eddie squirmed under the gaze.  
  
"The fuck do you want me to say?!” he squeaked. "I can try. But no promises."   
  
“Give me one night with Mrs. K and she’ll change her mind.” Richie grinned from his place on the lowest branch.

"Oh my god." Stan groaned.   
  
“Beep, beep,” Bev said, on instinct at this point.  
  
Richie stuck his tongue out at her.

“Boo. Toss me a slice, will ya?”  
  
She did, and Eddie had to look away as Richie chewed, excruciatingly slow, so he wouldn’t blush.  
  
Right. That was the new thing that developed this year, right after realizing that Bowers’ notes were correct all along. It made sense, but felt surreal anyway. Of course it had to be Richie, his best friend and trashmouth extraordinaire. Because luck was always in Eddie's favor.   
  
If he were stronger, maybe he could control the butterflies in his stomach whenever Richie placed his long, freckle covered arms on Eddie’s head as an armrest, because he had grown at least four inches taller since middle school, or stop his face from heating up when Richie called him “_cute, cute, cute!_” and smiled at him with his tongue between his teeth. It would make things much easier for when high school finally ended and they all went their separate ways.  
  
“What the fuck are you doing?”  
  
His thoughts were interrupted by Mike, whose face was scrunched up in disgust.  
  
“Counting,” Richie replied. As he spoke, a seed fell from his mouth and into his hand, where there was already a small pile.  
  
“That’s fucking nasty,” Eddie said, mimicking Mike’s expression.  
  
Richie shrugged, grinning his stupid Cheshire grin. He spat out another seed.  
  
“A-a-and that’s nine, Eddie Spaghetti.”  
  
Bev, who was still eating her slice, began spitting out the seeds too.  
  
“Damn. I only had seven,” she said once she finished.  
  
“Fuck yeah!” Richie winked at him. “Thanks for the good luck.”  
  
Eddie felt as though he was going to collapse.  
  
“W-wait give-give me one.” Bill reached over to Bev, who complied.  
  
“Me too!” Ben jumped up instantly. Bev laughed, shaking her head as she handed him another.  
  
“Aw, what the hell,” Mike said as he watched them, “I’ll take one too.”  
  
Soon they all had their own collection of seeds: Bev with her seven and Richie with his nine, Ben was last with only five, Bill had eleven, Mike ten, Stan twelve, and Eddie, surprisingly, with fourteen.  
  
“Maybe that’s a sign your mom will let you come to Ocean City,” Ben told him.  
  
Eddie merely shrugged.  
  
“Ocean City or not, we’re all gonna have a really great last few months, okay?” Bev looked around. Her blue eyes were sparkling and hopeful. It made Eddie feel like things were going to be okay, if only for the moment.  
  
“B-bev’s r-right.” Bill smiled, a little uneasy, but a smile nonetheless. “W-we’re still the losers, n-no matter what.”  
  
Eddie nodded. Everything was going to be different soon, but for now, for now he was sitting under the old oak tree, watching Richie’s legs dangle over him. Across from him, Bev placed her head on Ben’s shoulder and Stan and Mike traded knowing looks. Eddie closed his eyes and felt the warm sun on his face. He wasn’t alone. That’s all that mattered.  
  
Then, he heard Bev scream laugh as Richie spat one of his seeds at her, and he was back to reality.

* * *

“You’re still hanging around with that whore?” Eddie’s mom said when he asked her. She was sitting on her recliner as usual, thumbing the plastic buttons on the TV remote.   
  
“Please, mommy?” he hated begging, but it wasn’t like he had a choice. “I know you don’t like my friends, but it’s probably the last time we’ll all be together.”  
  
“Baby…” Sonia Kaspbrack pouted. Guilt twisted in his chest.   
  
“Please. It’s just a few weeks, and I’ll bring all my meds, inhaler, everything.” Eddie stood his ground. He tried to convey his desperation through his gaze. She always made him feel like such a kid.  
  
She sighed. “You’re already leaving me forever, why do you want to shorten that time? Do you hate me that much?”  
  
“Of course not!” Eddie said instantly.  
  
“I just don’t understand why you care about them so much.” she crossed her arms, brows furrowing. “You aren’t dating that Marsh girl, are you?”  
  
“No! Why would I—” Eddie shivered at the thought. “We’re just friends, I swear.”  
  
“And you know how I feel about Richie.”  
  
Eddie’s heartbeat quickened. Did she know?

“I- I do?”  
  
“He’s so… brash. If those words ever came out of your mouth—” she shook her head, “I don’t even want to think about it.”  
  
Eddie let out a sigh of relief.  
  
“You know I wouldn’t,” he lied, “And we’ve been friends for so long, when have I ever-?”  
  
“You’re right. You’re still my sweet Eddie-bear.” she smiled, all sugary.  
  
“So…”  
  
“Okay. Fine.”  
  
Eddie couldn’t help his excited cry.  
  
“But you’ll call me every night, and I want to know what you did. I’m gonna use the phone tracker app again.”  
  
Eddie nodded. He hated the tracker app, but he didn’t care much at this point. He was going to have freedom; One last hurrah before he’d finally be alone. One last chance to hear Richie’s stupid jokes and see his smile.  
  
Eddie hugged her, sinking into her flesh. Her shirt smelled like laundry detergent with a hint of mold.  
  
“Thank you.” he smiled as they parted. _Maybe those seeds were lucky, after all_.

* * *

Eddie was floating in the sea, face up, staring at the blue sky and how the clouds shifted ever so slowly. He could feel fish swimming beneath him. They brushed their fins against his hand once in a while.  
  
_Knock, knock, knock_.  
  
He frowned. There was one particular cloud in the upper left corner, shaped like what seemed to be a face. As Eddie squinted, the face grew more and more grotesque, with white eyes and decaying flesh.  
  
_Knock, knock, knock_.  
  
It’s lopsided mouth widened, showing off crooked, yellow teeth.  
  
“_Hey, dipshit!_”  
  
“What the fuck?” His voice rippled the water around him.  
  
“_Open your fucking window!_”  
  
“What?” Eddie asked again. Then he was sinking; Down, down into the blackness with nothing but the face staring back at him from the sky above. Under the water, it seemed to morph— white eyes becoming blue, loose strands of hair turning full and curly, scars inverting into freckles...  
  
Eddie gasped, opening his eyes to find his ceiling. The white bumps stared back, reminding him of the face's pimply complexion. 

_Knock, knock_.   
  
“Yoo hoo! Eduardo! You awake?”  
  
He sat up, looking at the window. Sure enough, it was Richie, perched on the piece of roof outside it. He sighed, slipping out of the warmth of his blanket to push it open.  
  
“What do you want?” he glared, with no real malice behind it.  
  
“What did Mrs. K say? To Ocean City?” Richie stared, wide eyed. He was grasping the edge of the windowsill and rocking anxiously. The moonlight reflected on his glasses.  
  
Eddie kind of wanted to kiss him.  
  
“She said I could-”

Richie whooped before he could finish, and Eddie instantly covered his mouth with his hands, “God, do you ever shut up?!” he hissed, "She's gonna hear."   
  
“Sorry.” Richie said, slightly muffled. 

It was then that Eddie realized exactly what he was doing. He could feel Richie's lips behind his palm, still sweaty from the nightmare. 

He instantly removed them, embarrassed, and wiped them on his pajama pants. Richie was grinning.   
  
“She said I could as long as we talk every day and she uses the tracker again,” Eddie continued, watching Richie's grin fade into a somber line.  
  
“That sucks.”   
  
“It’s better than nothing,” he mumbled. He didn’t like seeing Richie upset, so he cleared his throat, “Um, what are you doing here?”  
  
“Well, I couldn’t sleep, so I was like, what if I just left my house? That’d be crazy. And I did.” Richie gestured around him, “Then I was like, hey, we used to do this all the time, so I came here.”  
  
“Yeah… It’s been a few years,” Eddie agreed. He moved aside so Richie could climb through, watching him fit his long limbs through the narrow gap.  
  
“Harder to do than I remember.” Richie laughed and took a seat on the carpet.  
  
“You’re really tall now,” Eddie muttered, staring down at him. He took a moment before sitting back down onto his bed.  
  
“Nah.” Richie shrugged, “You just didn’t grow.”  
  
“I did! And I’m not that short!”  
  
“Aw. Did I hurt your fee-wings?” he cooed, and Eddie could feel his face heating up.  
  
“Ugh. You’re the worst.” he looked away, knowing full well Richie had that shit-eating expression on his face. He could practically feel the smugness radiating.  
  
As the air settled between them, Eddie felt a strange, empty sadness.   
  
“What’s up, Spaghetti?” Richie asked, as though he could hear his thoughts.  
  
“I’m gonna miss this. Everything, I mean.” he looked back to Richie, who unwrapped his arms from around his knees and placed them at his side instead. He quirked his head at Eddie.  
  
“What’dya mean? It’s not like college is the end all.”  
  
“I know.” Eddie sighed, “But it’s gonna be awhile before we’re all together again. I’m gonna be in New York, Bev in Rhode Island, Stan in Connecticut… ”  
  
“Mike and Ben in Boston and Bill in Santa Barbara.” Richie finished.  
  
“And you.” Eddie looked at him, unable to say what they were both thinking.   
  
“And me,” Richie said.  
  
He was going to Los Angeles. Los Angeles, which was a six hour flight from New York and almost three-thousand miles away.   
  
Eddie was happy for him. Richie was destined for the spotlight. Maybe one day he would turn on the TV and find him on some talk show, or a comedy movie, and think back to when they held hands at the quarry. But Eddie didn’t really want that. He didn’t want to move on from Richie. His stomach churned with something cold and unpleasant.  
  
“Hey.” Richie’s voice was soft. He opened his arms, “C’mere.”  
  
Eddie laughed, slightly surprised, before leaning in.  
  
Richie smelled like shitty cologne and weed, and his body was so, so warm. Eddie could feel his own heart beating as he held onto him. It was much nicer than hugging his mom.  
  
In Eddie's mind, he muttered a silent “_I love you_”. Because he did. He wasn’t sure of many things, but he truly, genuinely did. 

The thought scared him. This wasn’t just a stupid, childish crush. He loved Richie Tozier, in more ways than one. 

_ Los Angeles was almost three thousand miles from New York. _  
  
Eddie never wanted to let go.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of the end.

The last few weeks of school flew by fast. Before he knew it, Eddie was standing in cap and gown, stomach twisting in anxious knots as he walked up the stage and accepted his diploma. He hoped his hands weren’t too clammy when he shook them with the principal. 

Ben and Mike both gave him a thumbs up when he rejoined the crowd of students in their seats. 

“_Marsh, Beverly_!” 

Somewhere in the line up to the stage, Eddie heard an unmistakable voice holler: 

“Woooo! That’s my girl!” 

Bev’s reddened face was apparent even from his place below. She laughed anyway, rushing across the stage and snatching her diploma. 

“Love ya, Richie!” she shouted back, waving the diploma around like an Olympic flame. 

“_Mellon, Adrian!_”

Eddie’s smile faded. He felt like he was going to be sick. He felt it in the room, too. The combined nervous excitement had transformed into a cold dread. He thought he heard Henry Bowers chuckling from the front of the room and grimaced. 

Adrian Mellon was still missing, but the police investigation seemed to have stopped. And it hurt. Granted, they’ve never formally spoke, but Eddie actually saw him that day in English class. Some nights he would lie awake and if he could have done anything to help. 

“_Mendoza, Amy!_” 

But what scared Eddie the most was that it could have been him. Ever since he’d figured out his feelings for Richie, he’d been overcome with fear. Not just from what could happen to him if someone like Bowers or his mom found out, but what Richie would think if he knew. 

Richie, who constantly made “your mom” jokes and passes at girls ever since he could remember. Richie, who took Bev as an informal prom date and kissed her cheek while they were dancing. He’d danced with Eddie, too. He could still remember the warmth of their joined hands when Richie swung them back and forth, but that didn’t really mean anything, did it?  
  
He wasn't listening until the principal called out: 

"_Tozier, Richard! _ ”

Richie skipped up the stage, his robe flowing behind him and dark curls bouncing. Several people cheered, the loudest being Bev, and Richie did a mock curtsy. Sometimes Eddie forgot that, after outgrowing his awkward, prepubescent phase, Richie actually became pretty popular. Being class clown would do that for you.

Eddie stared at him. Richie looked like so much more mature now. He tried to remember when that had happened.   
  
Maybe Richie was right. Maybe Eddie really was the only one who didn’t grow. Maybe he really was the only one stuck in the past.   
  
The stage was several rows away from Eddie, and Richie felt so far away. 

* * *

Something was wrong when Bev pulled up to Eddie’s driveway in what he recognized to be her dad’s faded red pickup truck. Bill was already with her in the passenger seat, holding her hand that wasn’t on the steering wheel and rubbing slow, soothing circles.   
  
Bev’s eyes were red rimmed, but she managed to nod a greeting. She had on a longer sleeved sweatshirt that covered her thighs. Still, Eddie noticed the tinge of purple on her wrist peek through.   
  
Eddie nodded back, quietly depositing his two suitcases, large camping bag, and duffel into the trunk, and slotted himself into the backseat.   
  
“S- sure you don’t need any of that?” Bill teased, earning a small chuckle from Bev.   
  
“Ha, ha. Very funny.” Eddie rolled his eyes, though he was relieved to see Bev smiling.   
  
Richie only lived a block away, so it didn’t take long to get to his house. He seemed to have noticed Bev’s darkened mood, too, shooting a questioning glance at Eddie as he joined him in the back.   
  
Eddie shrugged, which only caused Richie’s frown to deepen. He could see Bev watching them from the rear-view mirror, her eyebrows furrowed.   
  
“Look, guys. I don’t want this to ruin the beginning of the trip.” she didn’t turn to look at them. “So can we drop it?”   
  
They were all silent. Bill chewed his lip. Finally, it was Richie who spoke, devoid of his usual humor:   
  
“This isn’t something you can just drop.”   
  
Bev sighed, long and deep. She pulled the sleeves of her sweatshirt down further.   
  
“_Please_, okay? This was supposed to be a distraction.”   
  
“Was it your dad?” Richie demanded. After another moment, Bev nodded shallowly. “Shit, Bev. I’m gonna kill that bitch one day.”   
  
“Stop it,” she told him, firm. “You can’t do shit, so stop acting like you can.” This time she did turn, taking turns looking at the three of them dead in the eye. She stopped at Richie, practically glaring at him. “If you really wanna help me. Stay quiet. I can handle it.”   
  
“Fine. Maybe for now. But I’m not dropping it,” Richie said stubbornly.   
  
Bev sighed again, but seemed too tired to argue. She returned to the steering wheel.   
  
As they pulled out of the driveway, Eddie noticed that Richie had come in empty-handed. Not a duffle bag in sight. 

“Where’s your stuff?” he asked.   
  
“Didn’t feel the need to bring anything.” Richie dug his fingers into the pockets of his baggy, brown jacket and came out with a small cheetah print wallet. He waved it in front of his face. “I got my money. That’s all.”   
  
“Ew. You're so weird." Eddie grimaced. He couldn't even imagine not over-preparing. So much could go wrong in one day.  
  
"You can borrow my toothpaste,” he decided. “And floss.”  
  
“What makes you think I floss?”   
  
“T-true. Your teeth are d-disgusting,” Bill added and Richie stared, dramatically mortified.   
  
“Did I ask?”   
  
“Y-you did actually.” Bill was grinning.   
  
“Do you know the amount of cavities you could get?” Eddie ranted, gesturing wildly.   
  
“Isn’t your dad a dentist, though?” Bev pointed out.   
  
“Well, yeah, but he doesn’t control my life!”   
  
“Yeah but you didn’t even bring a change of clothes.” Eddie countered.   
  
“I have this." he tugged at the fabric of his Nirvana t-shirt. "Can’t go wrong with a jean, shirt combo.”   
  
"But _every day?!_" Eddie fussed. "You're like a cartoon character."   
  
"And you're like a mom." Richie grimaced. Eddie could hear an actual tinge of annoyance in his voice.   
  
“Just take care of yourself, dude," he said, placating. For once, Richie was silent, regarding him with a strange sense of clarity.   
  
“Maybe he can borrow some of Ben’s things,” Bev cut in. “They’re about the same size.”   
  
“Hell no.” Richie fired back instantly. “He always looks like a librarian.”   
  
“R-Richie i-in a sweater vest? T-that’d be funny though.”   
  
“Or I could wear Ed’s clothes and be a himbo.” Richie threw an arm around Eddie’s shoulders, which he promptly pushed away.   
  
“Fuck off. I’m not a himbo— and don’t call me Eds!”   
  
Bev snorted. "You are what you eat, Richie."  
  
"Shut the fuck up, Bev!" Richie all but screamed. At the same time, Eddie squealed:  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?!" 

"We're here!" she sing-songed, ignoring them and pulling into the driveway of a small, lemon yellow bungalow.

“Someone tell Ben to get his ass out here.” 

“I-I’ll call him,” Bill volunteered. 

Moments later, Ben was squashed awkwardly between Richie and Eddie, because neither of them wanted the dreaded middle seat. 

“Have you guys just been driving in silence?” he shook his head disapprovingly. “Pass me the aux, Bill.” 

“As long as it’s not that classical shit,” Richie commented. "I swear you're the only one in this century who listens to that stuff." 

“Or New Kids on the Block,” Eddie added. 

“They're good!” Ben protested and plugged his phone in.

"They are. You guys are just mean." Bev agreed. 

They ended up listening to New Kids on the Block anyway, at least until Stan arrived and changed it to some indie rock band. 

Mike was last, complaining as he climbed over Richie’s bony limbs to get in the very back row, where Stan was also sitting. 

“Alright.” Bev clapped her hands together, before pulling back the gear stick. “Eleven hour drive, kids. We can stop somewhere for dinner eventually.”   
  
“O-oh b-before I forget.” Bill cut in, bending over his backpack. “I-I was cleaning my garage a-and found this.” He fished out a camcorder, tinted slightly yellow from age. “W-we could film the trip or something.” 

“God, could we be more stereotypical?" Stan groaned, but his eyes were shining. 

“It can be like, the Losers Club manifesto,” Mike stated, as though he were speaking it into the universe. 

“Th-that could be the title!” 

“And you’ll have a way to remember us after getting rich and famous!” Richie said, palms up. “Promise to let me couch surf at your penthouse?” 

“W-we’ll still be friends, i-idiot,” Bill scoffed. 

“You guys aren’t even gonna be that far apart.” Eddie frowned and crossed his arms. It really wasn’t fair of him to be complaining, about Bill of all people. 

“Jealous?” Richie quipped, but his amused smile turned dull at Eddie’s expression. It didn’t take long for him to regain confidence, though, leaning over Ben to paw at the camcorder in Bill’s hand. “Gimme that.” 

Bill complied, and Richie instantly flipped it open and turned it on Eddie and began narrating. 

“Here we are on our last summer together. How you feelin’, Eds?” 

Eddie was caught off-guard. His previous annoyance turned into embarrassment, then anger.

“You're so annoying.” he ground his teeth. 

“Aw. Really feeling the love.” he flipped the camcorder so that it was facing him. “Anyways, let me give y’all a tour. This is the middle row. We got Benny boy, Spaghetti, and me- Dick Tozier.” That got a laugh from the rest of them. 

He panned the camera to Bev. “There’s our queen, god herself, Beverly Marie Marsh.”

“Aw, stop!” Bev waved her hand bashfully. 

Then Richie panned to Bill. “Oh, and Bill’s here, too.” 

Bill flipped him off. 

“The future Scorcese, everyone,” Richie said, returning the gesture, then swiveled around to show Stan and Mike. “Finally we have these poor, lost souls. Stan the Man and Mike, short for Micycle.”  
  
“What the fuck is a _ Micycle _ ?” Mike asked, but Richie just continued on. 

“We’re going to Bev’s cryptic aunt’s house in Maryland! And I’ve seen enough movies to know we aren’t gonna make it.” he screwed his face up, feigning tears.

"She has taxidermy animals!" Bev called out. "And a jar of glass eyeballs." 

"Send thoughts and prayers, my good Christian brothers.” he sniffled. "Dick, signing off." 

With that, he turned the camera off and returned it to Bill. 

“I bet you think you’re the funniest person on Earth, huh?” Eddie said sarcastically.

“Well, your mom sure finds me hilarious.” 

“I can’t believe you’re eighteen and still making those jokes.” Eddie pinched his nose bridge. 

“What can I say? Sonia’s pus—” 

Eddie shot him an ice cold glare. “I dare you to finish that sentence.” 

“_Oh my god, _ " Stan said, exasperated and already putting in his earbuds. “It’s literally been five minutes and I’m done. Absolutely done.” 

“I’m taking a nap.” Mike agreed. 

“Is it too late to switch seats?” Ben asked. Genuine fear in his eyes. 

“S-sorry, Ben. W-would love to help you, but—” Bill stretched out his legs.   
  
"At least turn the music louder?" Ben groaned. 

"Will do." Bev did a salute. 

Soon, a guitar solo was blasting so loud that it rumbled the car. 

  
  
_Hanging out where I don't belong is nothing new to me. _The song began. 

Richie shot him a look that said _well what can you do about it_. 

Eddie’s gaze softened. He sighed in response, giving him a small smile. Despite all their bickering, he wanted to make it clear that he wasn't actually mad, even if Richie's jokes were absolutely obscene sometimes. 

Richie caught on, returning it with a smile of his own. 

_I can't handle change. I can't handle change. _

He was so nice when he wasn’t being annoying. But strangely enough, Eddie found that he never really minded Richie’s pestering as much as he seemed to convey on the outside. After all, Richie wouldn't be Richie without his nasty mouth. 

That was settled, then. Eddie turned to rest his arm on the window. They had gotten on the highway now, and he stared out at the blur of green trees and grey skies. A soft chorus had taken the place of the guitar. He allowed the music to soak through his body, until it felt like nothing else existed but them and the shabby red pick-up truck. 

_Still lately I begin to shake for no reason at all. _

  
  
And the rest of the world moving, moving on. 

_For no reason at all. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PHEW this took so long to write bc im horrible w/ exposition. they're listening to "i can't handle change" by roar btw! 
> 
> (i also made a playlist for this. it only has like 10 songs on it rn but it is. Here.// https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6sUTrHtpFRSfN5jpHeOucQ)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some mistakes are made.

Around 8PM, they stopped at a diner to eat. It was a cute little place, with big creme and chocolate and chocolate-cherry pies behind the glass display and Tiffany styled glass lights hanging over each booth. 

They had to get two extra seats for Ben and Bev, who insisted on sitting at the end of the table. Eddie honestly felt a little bit bad. Google Maps may have said that the diner was open 24/7, but the employees all looked ready to go home. 

Eddie stared at his order of pancakes, feeling a bit sick. Bev had pulled out a cigarette at some point on the drive, and though she held it out the window, some smoke still drifted towards Eddie’s direction. The smell lingered in his nose and on his jacket. He knew his asthma was a placebo or whatever it was called, but he couldn’t help hearing his mom’s voice nagging at the back of his head. 

He surprised himself when he realized that he missed her. He missed home. And that sickness he felt was really panic, slowly growing and growing. Suddenly, it felt like his entire body was encased in smoke. It seeped into his skin, poisoning him. 

He must have shivered or something, because Richie bent his head to whisper at a volume low enough for the others not to hear: 

“Eds? Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I’m just… not that hungry.” he grimaced, still looking at the pancakes. “I’m not really sure why I got these.” 

“Hey, just save it for later. No big deal.” Richie always made things seem so easy. 

“Did you order anything?” Eddie asked. He wasn’t sure why he continued to whisper. It felt good, though. Like they were in their own personal bubble. 

“No. I’m not hungry either.” Richie stared at him intently, as though he were searching for something. 

“You should eat. I bet you haven’t even had breakfast.” 

“You don’t know that!” Richie protested. “I had a granola bar.” 

“That’s not enough,” Eddie hissed. “You need to have veggies and dairy and shit. Like in the food pyramid!” 

“I’m lactose intolerant,” Richie quipped, clearly not taking it seriously. 

Eddie groaned. This had been an ongoing issue during the school year. Sometimes Richie would just forget to eat, and the Losers would pack an extra apple or trail mix just in case. His parents did give him lunch money, but god knew what Richie did with it. 

He knew Richie’s parents either didn’t care or didn’t care enough, especially considering all the times he’d shown up at Eddie’s window as though it was his second home, or how he’d just somehow be at the Barrens or the clubhouse way before them all. 

Eddie had theorized that Richie slept there, in that moth-bitten hammock. He shivered just thinking about it. 

“Here.” he pushed his plate of pancakes over. “You can’t ask me if I’m okay when you’re clearly a mess too.” 

“If I eat, will you tell me what’s wrong?” 

“Sure, whatever,” Eddie mumbled. His gaze flickered up, to where Bev was doing a dramatic retelling of her frog dissection in anatomy class. “Not here, though.” 

“Understandable.” Richie chuckled.

_ Thank you for caring about me _, Eddie thought. He wished he could push those black curls aside and kiss him freely. 

Bill had brought out his film camera again and was aiming it at Bev. 

“I just really hate people that feel the need to do that, yanno?” she was saying. “Frog head on a stick!” 

“Frog head on a stick!” Stan repeated, laughing. 

“It’s like Lord of the Flies, but… a frog,” Ben said. The others stared at him awkwardly. 

“No one gets your book references, Ben.” Mike patted him on the back. “But we love you anyway.” 

“Yeah! We love Ben!” Richie all but shouted. 

“Hooray to Ben!” Bev raised her cup of water. 

“Hooray to Ben!” Mike yelled, doing the same. 

“I got the reference…” Stan mumbled, but held his cup up anyway. 

Eddie joined in with a “Love ya, buddy”, and they all clinked glasses, with Bill doing a poor job at holding the camera in his other hand in order to film. A few customers glared at them, clearly annoyed by the noise, but their joyous laughter made Eddie’s anxieties disappear. 

“S-so tell us m-more about this mysterious aunt,” Bill continued once all the commotion had died down. 

“Oh, well, she’s my dad’s sister but she’s like, literally the opposite of him.” Bev chewed on the paper wrapper of her straw. 

“G-good. Your dad sucks.” 

“Yeah.” Ben agreed. “No offense but, your dad is a piece of shit.”

There was a chorus of “Damn!”’s and “Woah, Ben!”’s around the table. Richie finished it off by saying, “Didn’t think you had it in ya.” 

“It’s true!” Ben blushed. 

“No offense taken, honey.” Bev reached out and squeezed him on the shoulder. “But yeah, you guys can trust Caroline. She’s super sweet. She’s into all this witchy shit and owns a catering company.” 

“Witchy shit?” Eddie echoed, confused. 

“Yeah. She’s a pagan,” Bev said, eyes shining. “I’m not completely sure how it works but she does tarot readings and has all these rocks with different energies. I helped her sage her house once when I was little. It was really fun.” 

Truthfully, Eddie didn’t really know what she was talking about, but he nodded along anyway. Bev always did seem too far out of this world, like she was from an alien planet with rock energies and magic. Maybe it was because he was gay and she was a girl, he wasn’t too sure. 

“I don’t really believe in that stuff, but it sounds cool,” Stan said. “Excited for the beach, though.” 

“I am, the fuck?” Richie half frowned, half smiled. “Ready to get my vibe checked.” 

“She’s gonna say your vibes are absolutely rancid,” Stan replied, without missing a beat. 

“Oh, Stanley. Always so quick to clown me.” Richie pouted. 

“Because you are one,” Eddie added. 

“Wha- Eddie! I trusted you!” 

“Y-you can’t lie. S-Stan does have very good comebacks, t-though.” Bill nodded. 

“At least someone notices my efforts.” Stan nodded back appreciatively.

“Speaking of my aunt,” Bev cleared her throat. “I forgot to mention she gave me a little something before I left in May.” she smirked, miming a smoking motion. “It’s in my backpack right now, but just know that I have it.” 

“Aw, fuck yeah.” Richie cheered. “You know what this means!” 

“As if we need a more amped up Trashmouth. He already acts like he’s on drugs!” Mike protested, followed by some vigorous nodding from Ben, Bill, and Stan. 

“Y'all are really coming for my ADHD, huh?” Richie looked at him with dramatically wide eyes. 

“Just take your Adderall and go,” Mike joked. 

“W-wait, what are you guys talking about?” Eddie asked, having to raise his voice slightly to be heard over their laughing. He’d been following with slight confusion until Mike had mentioned drugs. 

“Oh my god. I totally forgot your mom is crazy.” Bev put a hand to her mouth, then turned to Richie. “You know how to roll. Right?” 

“Kinda. You got papers?” 

She nodded, grinning. “Strawberry kiwi flavored.” 

“Someone tell me what’s going on before I lose my shit,” Eddie said.

“They’re smoking weed,” Stan replied, calm as ever. 

“Oh.” Well, he certainly hadn’t expected that. 

There were many, many things that Sonia disapproved of, and recreational drugs were definitely at the top of that list. 

Eddie could feel himself getting nervous. He knew it existed, obviously, and that Bev and Richie did it occasionally. It wasn’t hard to figure out when their designated smoke spot was the clubhouse-- an underground fixture that trapped most of the air in. Meaning everything, including the strong and undeniable skunkiness of pot, could be smelled. 

Yet, Eddie had never seen it in action, let alone do it. It was kind of like a mythical creature to him. Something that existed out of the bounds of reality and what his mother expected from him. 

She made him feel like he was toxic, even when they were so far apart. No matter what he did with his friends, he would always have that uncanny sense that something was _ wrong _, like with Bev’s smoking or well, just Richie being Richie. 

“You don’t have to do it.” Bev smiled at him sympathetically. 

“What- what’s it like?” he found himself asking. A spark of rebellion growing in his chest. 

To his surprise, it was Stan that answered. 

“Everyone’s first time is different. Usually it’s pretty scary. But it’s better to do it with friends and in a safe, controlled environment.” 

“What he said.” Mike nodded. 

“So everyone’s done it except for me?” Eddie asked a bit shocked. He knew about Richie and Bev, but it was hard to imagine Stan smoking a blunt, yarmulke and all. 

“N-no. I haven’t,” Bill spoke up. 

“Me neither,” Ben said, sheepish. “But I wouldn’t mind trying.” 

“Don’t feel embarrassed about it!” Bev kept shaking her head. “Seriously no pressure at all.”

“You know…” Eddie said his thoughts out loud. “I wouldn’t mind trying.” 

“You sure, Eds?” Richie turned to him, voice laced with concern. It made Eddie angry. He made it sound like he was weak and needed protecting, like how his mother treated him. 

“I can handle myself,” he said, harsher than expected. 

Richie flinched at that, and Eddie immediately felt the guilt pool into his stomach. 

Still, he said nothing. 

* * *

In the end, it was Stan who decided to stay sober so they could keep driving. Bev moved to the middle seat between Richie and Eddie, and Ben to the back with Mike. 

Eddie watched, mesmerized, as Richie began the process of grinding and packing the joint, giving the ends a slight lick to seal them, and finishing it off by poking it down with one of his shoelaces and tying it. 

Bev took out her lighter; the cool one with the iridescent butterflies on it, and held the joint in her mouth as she lit it and let out a puff of white. She gave it another puff before passing it to Richie, who did the same, and held it out to Eddie. 

Eddie took it delicately. “How do I—” 

“Suck in like you’re taking a breath, then hold it for a bit, then breathe out,” Bev explained. 

Eddie trembled slightly as he raised the joint to his mouth and did as she said. All he got was the strong taste of weed in his mouth. 

“You need to pull harder,” Bev said. “Here, I’ll do it with you.” She held up two fingers, mimicking a joint. 

Eddie raised it to his lips again, following Bev’s movements. This time, he sucked in slightly more and held it. When he released, a cloud of smoke came out of his mouth and it felt like feathers were brushing his throat. He began to cough. 

“You did it!” she grinned. His stomach felt like it was filled with static. 

“That was a good one,” Mike said, leaning over his seat. 

“I don’t really feel anything yet.” Eddie blinked. 

“Take another hit,” Richie suggested, and Eddie did, breaking out into more coughs. 

“Am I doing this wrong?” he asked, worried. 

“It’ll just take some time to settle,” Bev reassured. “Pass it to Bill.” 

Eddie did as told, slightly disappointed. The previous fire of rebellion had died with his failure. 

“Don’t worry, Eds. You’ll get the hang of it.” Richie put his arm around his shoulder again. 

“Don’t call me—” Eddie began, but the end of the sentence was lost as everything started pulsating. He could feel his heart thrumming from his chest to his feet then back again. 

_ Oh my god I actually did it. _He wasn't sure if he said that out loud or not. 

Richie laughed at something. He couldn't tell what. Everything sounded as though it were under water. 

It was Bill’s turn with the joint, and Bev was teaching him how to breathe in. Eddie watched them and noticed how Bill’s blue eyes sat between his nose so symmetrically. How had Eddie never noticed how symmetrical they were? 

Then he looked to Richie, who was blinking at Eddie very slowly. 

“Hi,” Eddie said. 

“Hi,” Richie replied. “Wanna go to the trunk?” 

“Okay.” 

“Hey, Stan! Stan!” Richie shouted and for some reason Stan's name sounded like the funniest word in existence. 

Eddie started laughing. 

"Stan! Stan!" he echoed. 

“What do you guys want?” Stan shouted back, exasperated. 

“Stop the car, we- we wanna sit in the trunk,” Richie slurred. 

Stan sighed very audibly. “Gimme a second.” 

“Oh, that’s such a good idea. Rich, you’re so smart,” Bev gushed. “You’ve always been so smart.” 

“Aaw thank you, Bevvy. You… have red hair.” 

They pulled over. The night air was warm and smelled like sap. Eddie stared up at the sky and the stars as he climbed into the trunk. He wondered if, somewhere, there was a universe where they could all be together forever. 

Richie sat next to him and Bev across from him, their shoes touching. Ben came with Bev, of course, and was now attempting to smoke the joint. Mike was there too, laughing at Ben’s attempts. 

“Not coming, Bill?” Eddie frowned. 

“S-Stan will be lonely,” Bill replied. 

“That’s real sweet, but I’ll be fine.” Stan smiled. His dimples looked like craters. 

“No. I- I’m staying.” Bill slumped back in his seat and crossed his arms. 

“Call me if you guys want to come back in,” Stan said. Eddie felt as though his smile had grew. 

He returned to Richie’s side and kept looking at the stars. There was a particularly bright one that Eddie kept returning to. The car started moving, and when he looked at the highway, everything became strips of dark colors. It freaked him out, so he kept his eye on the star. 

“Do you know what that is?” he pointed to it, asking no one in particular. 

“Jupiter,” Richie answered. “I’m gonna give you my jacket.” 

“Why? I’m not cold.” Eddie looked at him. His blue eyes shone through his glasses. 

“You look it.” Richie pouted. He took off his jacket anyway and draped it over Eddie like a blanket. 

“You- you don’t have to take care of me!” Eddie squirmed and shoved off the jacket. 

“What? Why?” Now Richie looked upset. He didn’t pick up the jacket though, so Eddie took it again and folded it into a neat little square. 

A million thoughts came to him at once. He wanted to tell Richie that he knew he didn’t take care of himself because his parents never did, or that Eddie should have been the one giving him _ his _jacket, if he was wearing one, that is. He even wanted to say that he’d wanted to kiss him since that night at his window. Instead, the thing that came out was: 

"Just because." he pouted, then became very aware of Richie staring at him, so he asked. “How’d you know that’s Jupiter?” 

“Dunno. Some YouTube video, probably.” Richie adjusted his glasses. “Hey, are you ever gonna tell me what happened?” 

“Huh?” 

“When we were at the diner.”

“Oh.” Eddie looked around. Bev was busy cuddling up against Ben, and Mike was playing scrabble on his phone without much success. He sighed, now would be a good a time as any, when he could actually form words without a mental filter. 

“I just feel like my mom is corrupting me. I can’t help but hear her voice everywhere I go, saying this is wrong and that is wrong, and it _ sucks—_” Eddie gnashed his teeth. “— because I love you guys so much and when I’m with you guys it’s like I forget about being worried or dirty or the future. She makes me feel like it's wrong to do that. I just feel so... ruined, when I shouldn't be.” he finished. 

Richie just watched him with half-lidded eyes. 

“There’s nothing wrong with you, Eds. You’re perfect the way you are.” 

Just like everything else Richie did, he'd said it so easily, so confidently. It almost made Eddie believe his words were true. 

Eddie felt his heart beat so fast, spreading everywhere in his body until even his head started pounding softly. He could only focus on Richie’s eyes. Richie was like Jupiter, like the brightest star in the sky. He wanted to kiss him. 

“I want to kiss you,” Eddie said, without thinking. 

Before he could regret it, Richie responded. 

“Then do it.” 

He’d never kissed anyone before, so he wasn’t really sure what to do. Eddie leaned up, shaking a little, and met Richie’s forehead, feeling the warmth radiating from his skin. 

Their lips touched. Richie’s were chapped and tasted like weed and smoke and mint gum. At first they clashed roughly, but Eddie held on, letting Richie lead him. Eventually, he threw his arms around Richie's neck and pulled him in so that warmth could be a part of him. He could hear Bev saying something and someone else chuckle, but he didn’t care.

He did it. He was kissing Richie Tozier, and it was wet and kinda gross but so, so amazing. 

Then, as they pulled away from each other, Eddie’s stomach dropped as he saw. 

Richie’s eyes, wide and terrified, glanced once at Eddie before looking away, like the moment hadn’t happened at all. 

And, just like at graduation, Richie felt as though he was miles away again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi sorry for the long hiatus! i wasn't expecting this to be so hard to write cause ive been swamped w/ college prep and homework.. we truly live in a society.  
anyways! ive recently read weetzie bat and witch baby which will probably influence this book a lot since they're both about chaotic teenagers, friendship, n growing up, so i would highly recommend if u like that stuff!  
(also i do Not know how to roll a joint all this knowledge came from google so if y'all wanna clown me, you can.)

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fic!!! pretty much just a giant vent with reddie sprinkled in... i miss my ex-senior friends :(  
feel free to leave comments. i've never shared my writing online before :O a little scary yanno


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